My Brother, Allen

My brother, Allen, died last week. Technically, he was my half-brother, but I never thought of him that way. He lived with us one year when he was in high school. He was my hero then! He taught me how to drive (brave person). I have never forgotten his stress on keeping your eyes on the road!  Back then I was very shy and insecure and he helped me a lot that year. He always was available to listen and made me feel very special. We practiced the jitterbug, learning to do all the fancy moves such as sliding me under him and over his back. I'll never forget the night he came to the Friday night dance after the football game and danced with me! It made my night!!!And when he came home after being in the Marines, he taught me some judo moves.  We lost touch through most of our adult years. Then when I moved back to Texas in the 90s, we got re-acquainted. Even though we hadn't been in touch for years, when I asked him for advice after my husband died, he stepped up and helped me with the final legal work to settle the estate - and listened to me rattle on. :) . He was always so gracious and nice to me and made me feel welcome in his home. Unfortunately shortly thereafter his health began to fail. I had such mixed feelings-sad for him and at the same time, angry because I felt that his lifestyle choices led to his illnesses. At one point he was on a ventilator and not expected to live. I went to the hospital to sit with his wife while they unhooked the machines, expecting him to die, and there he was, sitting up and eating breakfast! A miracle man!! He told me then that every day was a gift!  He would call occasionally and we would have a long talk. My sister-in-law, Liz, and I developed a nice friendship and I seemed to spend more time with her than him.  But he always told me he was so glad I was her friend and how much it meant to him.  Then Liz had a heart attack, and they were both down. They moved to Canada a few years ago to be close to Liz's family. I knew when they moved that I would not see him again and I did my grieving then (I thought). His health deteriorated even more and his quality of life was pretty poor. I talked to him a few times on the phone but kept in touch mainly through Liz. He had several more hospitalizations over the years and last week, finally, was unable to go on. It makes me so sad that his life choices led to his early death. I wish I had understood him better .I wish I had talked to him more about our childhood and what led to his changing as an adult.  I will miss him--I choose to remember him as that boy in high school who was my hero! Thank you, Allen, for being such a good brother!!