Goodbye, Bochica

Saying Goodbye

Last week my beautiful Bochica crossed the rainbow bridge.  After having strange swellings for several years,  he had been diagnosed with Cutaneous Lymphosarcoma in 2008.   His tumors would pop up and then disappear.  Finally they just stayed.  Last year one burst and drained and then closed up.  But this year it burst again, and did not close up.  Poor boy --  it was a mess, burning his skin where it drained, and I could tell he felt terrible.  He was also losing weight.  Luckily, I moved back just in time to say goodbye.  After talking to the vet, I made the decision to not let him suffer any longer.  On my last two visits, he just hung his head and loved on me.  Totally unlike him--he only did that when he felt terrible.  He just was not his usual spunky self.  Even though I knew it was the right thing to do, it was the hardest thing I have ever done.  Euthenasia on a horse is not like on a dog or cat.  They are such large animals, and there is no easy way.  It was a very traumatic experience.  The vet told me he thought he had been holding on until I returned.   Now I'm trying to just remember him as he was. 

I have so many good memories of that little boy. (Even though he was 20, I still thought of him as that little 5-year old.)  I credit him with giving me a reason to live after my husband died.  Those years with him were the best of my life.  I couldn't wait to get up every morning and see him.  He was a character.  When I bought him, he was a 5-year old spooky Paso Fino.  This is a picture of him when I first bought him.  Cute, huh?

He was scared of everything.  Of course I first kept him in a busy barn, the worst possible place for him.  I spent many hours each day working with him.  I worked with a couple of trainers, with me doing the training and them directing.  What fun!  I think he taught me as much as I taught him.  Then I moved him to my place and he got better and better. He knew lots of words and was a smart little horse.  He probably never was a safe ride -- we were both scared, but it was worth it.  I used to sing to him when I rode to help us relax.   He had such a smooth gait, a true Paso  Fino.

This is a picture of him in his prime, at my place:

I hope to remember him like this and to think about all the good times I had with him.  This picture is of me "de-spooking him."

We both never did get totally brave.  I was truly blessed to have been able to live my dream of having horses on my place.  And I was blessed to be able to find a wonderful woman, Charna, to keep him and Moe on her retirement ranch when I was no longer able to keep him at home.  She kept me updated and sent pictures every month or so.  I dreamed of both Moe and him often.   I was able to at least go visit once a year.  And, as I said, I was so relieved that I could be with him at the end.

Goodbye, Bochica -- I love you!!

This was also the final goodbye to that way of life -- living in the country and having those animals.  Now I live in Fort Worth in town and have just Rufus, my dog.  I'm determined, though, to adjust and make the most of the rest of my life.  I feel Bochica's spirit urging me on. :) I hope, in time, when I've grieved, to be able to volunteer, doing something with horses.

I'll keep you posted on my progress!